its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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