The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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