since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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