I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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