i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
