before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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