Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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