STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
