I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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