And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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