My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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