It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
