a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
