I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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