whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
