my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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