So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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