You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
