the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
