Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
this boner is exhausting
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
