So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
