Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
