Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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