Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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