Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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