his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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