Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
