Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
