I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
