Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
