I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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