Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
