so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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