How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
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I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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