She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
