Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
