even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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