thus making me awesome and them whores
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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