I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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