Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
