So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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