# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
