I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
