I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
