Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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