I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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