went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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