When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
