My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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