Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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