i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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