he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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