Don't you send me to vm
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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