i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
