It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
