I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
