he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
