So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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