good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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