so let's talk penis.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
