I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
