she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
