when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
