Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
