you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
