im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
